Supporting a Teenager Through Anxiety: A Guide for Parents

Care and worry for your teen when they’re experiencing anxiety is a really understandable response. Some parents might also experience powerlessness or helplessness, or even be impacted by self-blame or shame. Firstly, no-one’s to blame, and it can be really helpful to get curious about ideas that point fingers at anyone, especially parents. 

Why Anxiety Is So Common in Teenagers

Anxiety is unfortunately an incredibly prevalent problem. Along with its partner depression, they affect nearly 75% of all adolescents at sometime during their teen years. School stress, body image, friendship conflicts, and identity confusion can all contribute. And of course, family and environmental factors can contribute - unexpected grief, change, divorce, illness in the family, conflict etc. can all create feelings of fear and anxiety about the future. Lots of adults get impacted by anxiety too, the world feels unpredictable and out of control. It makes sense. The prevalence of anxiety is actually a symptoms of the underlying systemic, social, and environmental issues that affect all of us. 

What Anxiety Can Look Like

Anxiety can look and feel different for different people - heart palpitations, racing thoughts, insomnia, shortness of breath, specific phobias, OCD behaviours, muscle tension etc.. Psychology categorises these into different diagnoses, and there can be variation and combinations. It can be good to get curious with your teen about what they mean when they say “anxiety”. How often is it around? What thoughts come into their head? How does it feel in their body? Do any situations make it worse or better? ​

Stress, Worry, or Anxiety - What's the Difference?

Stress, worry, and anxiety can be similar - how do you tell the difference? Again, by getting curious about what someone means when they say these words, because everyone will use them differently. And it’s also good to determine the impact that’s happening. One person may experience some stress or worry and still go to school and be with friends etc. For another person more severe anxiety might mean they’re not sleeping, not eating, or they’re so on the edge of panic that they can’t concentrate on school or conversations. ​

How Anxiety Tries to "Help" - and How That Can Backfire

Anxiety often shows up trying to help. It will want to stop people from doing things that might be scary (like talking to someone new or sitting an exam). Sometimes it may be tempting as a parent to support your teen avoiding doing these things, because you want to protect them from the anxiety. That makes sense. What can happen though, is that the anxiety becomes louder about how dangerous or scary things are, and it can be harder to give things a go next time. If you can, try to support your teen to acknowledge that the anxiety is there, that it’s trying to help them, but actually it might be telling them lies and preventing them doing worthwhile things. When they do something that anxiety told them was scary, and it goes OK, or it doesn’t go OK and they learn they can survive that - anxiety might actually be quieter the next time. ​

When Professional Support Can Make a Difference

If your teen is experiencing ongoing anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, or you’re already trying all the tips from the internet and nothing’s changing, professional help can make a difference. The idea of therapy or counselling might be new and unknown, and anxiety will probably want to get in the way of this. But again, you can support your teen to acknowledge and notice the anxiety but to also question the validity of what it’s saying. ​

What Counselling Looks Like for Teenagers

I offer counselling for teenagers in the Northern Rivers NSW. I often see young people in my practice who are experiencing anxiety and in the first sessions they might want a parent/ carer there to make it easier, and they might not say very much! That’s totally fine. They often feel more comfortable eventually and can engage in sessions 1-1.

The really good news is that it’s possible for your teen to learn to name, get curious, question, and manage their anxiety.​

Support is Available Right Now

• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800.
• NSW Mental Health Access Line: 1800 011 511.
• In an emergency, call 000.

Otherwise, your GP is a good first step. You'll need to book a longer appointment to get a Mental Health Care Plan - then they can refer you to a psychologist or mental health social worker for ongoing support. You're welcome to let your GP know I'm your preferred therapist; I accept these referrals for people in the Northern Rivers NSW, or via Telehealth if your teen would be comfortable speaking with someone by video call.